Secrets of a Secondhand Shopaholic

I have hit rock bottom.

No, I haven’t overspent, bounced any checks or run out of room in my closet.

It’s worse:  After reading a recent post of mine, When More Means Less, a friend has compared my reasoning to that of Cliff Clavin’s on Cheers.

My reasoning on the More/Less post refers to one of my 2010 Shopping Rules: “Trade Two pieces of old clothes for every one new piece I purchase”.  So to me, this means the more I shop, the less clothes I will have eventually (which is a good thing for this shopaholic).  Therefore, I need to shop more….so I can deplete my closet of old clothes.

Makes totally sense, doesn’t it?

Well, my friend immediately recognized this reasoning as similar to Cliff Clavin’s “Buffalo Theory”:

(From Wikipedia)
“Well you see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

So my “natural selection” of eliminating my slower/weaker clothes by shopping more is actually my way of rationalizing that a “bad” action (excessive shopping/drinking) eventually results in a good outcomes (less clothes/smarter).

Yep, definitely Cliff Clavinesque.

As I said, I have hit rock bottom…